wants to be home. with my family and friends; the people who have always been there for me be it rain or shine. now i've realised.

In comparison, London seems so cold, even in time of spring.

i need a dosage of MADness love. got a lil heartwarming email. thankyou

i don't like to feel unwanted. as much as you said that i'm important, in actual fact i don't mean that much to you.

really hate feeling like this, as if i'm being abandoned and all alone.

no one to share my thoughts with.

i hate feeling insecure but i seem to be going through similar episodes day after day, wondering what about me that made things turn out this way today. I thought i have been like this all the time and it was all fine until now.

gone are the days that i have friends that i'm confident of saying, they love me like i love them.

i don't know if this is what people are meant to go through as part of the whole overseas education experience but i think it's too harsh for me to bear.

i know i need to study hard now and stop thinking about foolish things but it's almost impossible.

sometimes i wish i have stayed in singapore, probably i'll be happier. heck all those exotic trips around europe and whatsoever. i think i need friends more than anything else. and really, true friends.

:(

27 January 2011

The feeling is weird. i never thought i'd be someone like this. But i have to admit that i really miss my parents when i don't skype them at least once a week. It's like you keep wondering did anything happen at home etc. i even skipped class to skype them today. But i wouldnt say this to them cause it's just too mushy. Guess i'm a pretty good daughter after all.

19 January 2011

Life is getting really tough. I find it hard to cope with school and friends.

I'm starting to doubt if i deserve what i've gotten to come all the way here to pursue my studies.

I admit i'm unlike most of my peers here, who did so much to achieve what they've got today. I know my results are just not bad, but not excellent. I don't have a marvellous list of past achievements. I don't have the luxury of learning any skills outside of what i get in school. I am not outstanding in arts or sports to earn myself any amazing title or status. I don't like taking part in enrichment activities or competitions cause i find them a waste of time and i'm too lazy to put in effort. I know i'm such a person.

But now i'm trying to believe that i'm someone who is capable of achieving something great in life. After overcoming all those ostacles and ending up where i am now, i'm trying to believe that i might just be not that ordinary after all.

But i hate it everytime when i got reminded of those old thoughts that i have.

I'm trying to change but it seems so hard that i wanna give up and just be who i really am, probably the girl who isn't that great after all.

And i'm well aware of that nasty temper of mine. I swear it has gotten way better than the past. But i hate to know that no one's appreciating the change. I admit i'm quite sensitive and emotional, and gets upset easily. But can't you see that i'm trying? And i think every one has their own set of principles in life. You may find some things more acceptable than others. Same for me. It's just i find some things, generally accepted by most, unacceptable. But now i feel like i'm not even entitled to the rights to voice my opinions. People would probably think i'm making a big fuss over trivial matters, or i'm just throwing my temper, again. But why must it be that i'm always the one not making sense? I hate it that i don't even have the courage to say all these to them and all i can do is just blog and rant. You mean asking people what's their problem all the time isn't rude? and me telling you to stop saying that would be another episode of liping's drama?

I didn't regret coming here, cause i feel that all the challenges now serve to make me a stronger person. But i hate it how i'm reminded of my inferiority, and the people here seemed to be so unaccepting and hostile at times.

I've started with that lil confidence. I don't need anyone else to take that last bit of pride away.

17 December 2010

Hello world, it's officially the last day of school for the term. It's 12.19AM now. Winter break!

Have been really busy with french test and anthropology essay, finally done with all of them. First time, for my first 3 months of university life, i stayed in the library, sat at the spot without leaving from 930am to 430pm, without any water or toilet break, Felt like a total university student. But i felt so frustrated after that, even though i managed to finish my essay and submit it on time. Cause the essay wasn't even going to be graded. and i spent a hell lot of effort on it.

Second lab report back, just a micro step away from my first's! emo

anyway funny things happened these few days.

First we had a xmas dinner in hall, and they served free wine, and gave each one of us some poppers thing. There were small gifts inside the poppers, like marbles? i got some scrub thingy, what a perfect gift for a clean freak

then during breakfast ytd, i guess people were just suffering from the post-xmas dinner syndrome, two guys came down to the dining hall clad in female's undergarments only, and topless. Imagine how funny it was, early in the morning. One of them was my neighbour! so awkward

and just a few hours ago, we had a psychology xmas party. i swear UCL Psychology dept is so happening. Where do you get lecturers rapping/swearing/singing/playing band/dancing in front of you. It was the best. And they served free alcohol as well. AND they turned one of our seminar rooms into a disco room. Though i wouldn't have liked it usually, but guess cause it was a nice opportunity to meet the other asian/singaporean psych seniors, so it was pretty fun.

Lots of people are flying back after tomorrow. Kind of sad, and lonely. But it's okay. Shall start looking forward to Amsterdam and Brighton:)